| By Boye Lafayette De Mente |
The fundamental reason for the extraordinary hwandae of Koreans derives from the Confucian concept that materialism is immoral, that piling up material goods beyond one's own needs is sinful; that virtue is gained by sharing whatever one has with others-a philosophy that was also traditionally practiced by a number of American Indian tribes who lived along the northwest coast in what is now Oregon and Washington.
Koreans did not go as far as these American Indians (who would regularly hold parties at which they made sure that all of their extra goods were distributed among their guests); not so much because they didn't have the impulse to go that far, but because the average Korean families of old had little if anything extra in their households. However, even the poorest Korean family felt deeply obligated to treat guests with special hospitality, even when it meant that they would later have to do without.
The tradition of hwandae remains strong in Korea, and the degree to which individuals and families go in extending hospitality has grown with their affluence-so much so that they are often accused of being mumohan (muu-moe-hahn) or "extravagant," a term that continues to have negative Buddhist and Confucianist overtones.
Korean hospitality extends into the workplace. When clients or guests visit offices they are invariably served some kind of refreshment, usually without being asked. Some offices automatically serve coffee (often with cream and sugar already in it), while others maintain a supply of fruit juice or other soft drinks.
Corporate hospitality is such an institutionalized custom in Korea that when Koreans visit the offices of foreign companies and are not served anything it is very conspicuous, and reflects negatively on the character and cultural level of the management. Korean businesspeople invariably host dinner and drinking parties for visiting customers and suppliers, generally making a point of taking them to places that are well-known for the quality of their food and entertainment. One veteran expatriate businessman in Seoul commented that it often seems like Koreans prefer pleasure before business, instead of the other way around.
Another aspect of this inbred hwandae syndrome is that Koreans have been culturally conditioned to pay restaurant and bar bills even when they are not the host. When two or more Koreans are out for lunch or the evening, especia-lly the latter when drinking is involved, they will fight over the bill.
Part of this syndrome no doubt derives from the age-old Korean custom of genuine hospitality. Another part is a response to feelings of Korean pride and sense of face. One gains face by playing the role of the generous host.
By the same token, the Western concept of "Going Dutch" is naturally alien to the traditional Korean way of thinking and behaving, and except among students it is still unusual.
Westerners visiting Korea for the first time should be wary of allowing their Korean friends or business counterparts to gain face at their expense unless they know for sure that they will have an opportunity to reciprocate. Koreans who insist upon paying bills that are not rightfully theirs often attempt to get their way by saying that since the visitor is in their country it is their responsibility to act as the host, and that the visitors' turn will come when they come to his or her country.
CHODAE :
The Home-Meal Invitation
Among the many things that have traditionally distinguished Koreans from most other Asians, in particular the Japanese who are their closest racial and cultural relatives, is their custom of not only allowing but welcoming newly made foreign friends as well as casual acquaintances into the inner circle of their lives. Unlike the Japanese, who were traditionally conditioned to distrust and dislike foreigners and to keep them at a distance, Koreans are characteristically much more open in their relationships with all people.
In Japan the tradition was for people to entertain friends and guests outside the home, in restaurants, inns, bars, cabarets and the like. In Korea, on the other hand, the tradition was for men to invite their friends and guests into their homes and to shower them with hospitality. Korean homes generally had special rooms where the male members of the family spent most of their free time and entertained their guests.
With the introduction of democratic principles and equal rights for women in Korea this tradition of entertaining guests at home was extended to women as well, and has since become one of the defining traits of Koreans. Like Americans and other nationalities outside of Asia, Koreans take both pleasure and pride in extending chodae (choh-day) or "invitations" for friends and associates to come to their homes for meals that are marked by the variety and volume of food served.
The custom for Koreans to invite people into their homes for meals is one of the reasons why foreigners in Korea are able to establish closer, more intimate relationships with Koreans than is generally possible with other Asians, and why they are often able to feel much more at home among Koreans.
Koreans who have become bilingual and bicultural will typically list chodae as one of the key words in Korean culture, and one of the terms (and customs) that foreigners must learn in order to fully understand and appreciate the Korean lifestyle. Part of this tradition no doubt comes from the old Korean custom for families that were more affluent than their relatives to frequently invite those who were less fortunate to their homes for large meals.
Foreign families wanting to create and nurture close relationships with Koreans should take advantage of the highly regarded chodae custom.
SONMUL
Gift-Giving as "Social Oil"
Establishing and nurturing personal relationships has traditionally been a key part of life in Korea. One of the ways that people developed and nurtured these relationships was through sonmul (sohn-muul) or "gifts." Sonmul were used to express friendship, respect and loyalty; and to build up social, economic and moral obligations that could be drawn on at a later date.
Because gifts played such an important role in Korean life, their selection, presenting and receiving involved a great deal of protocol and became one of the most distinctive features of Korean culture. The formalities that grew up around gift-giving during the long feudal era in Korea have lessened considerably, but there is still substantial etiquette involved.
Gift-giving protocol includes the etiquette involved in handing other people objects of any kind. Which hand used may signal very clearly which is the superior and which the inferior. The right hand is used when passing something to a person of superior status. In formal situations the amount of courtesy and respect demonstrated is greatly increased by supporting the right hand with the left hand (by placing the left hand under the right hand). Either hand may be used to pass things to people of lower status, but both hands are not used unless people are humbling themselves to a person as part of an apology for some serious mishap or transgression.
Among the gifts that are appropriate for home visits are fruit, fruit juices, pastries, wine and other alcoholic drinks. Toys are always appropriate for families with small children. Koreans generally do not give household appliances or decorative items as gifts on the occasion of home visits. Packaging is also of special importance in Korea. With more than two thousand years of handicraft traditions, Koreans have high standards when it comes to wrapping and boxing gifts. But except for home-made gifts [cookies, for example], packaging is usually not a problem because department stores and other shops that specialize in selling gift items are also expert at packaging them appropriately.
Cash has long been a popular gift in Korea, but it took on new dimensions following Korea's emergence as a major industrial power and the spread of affluence among ordinary people. Now, giving cash gifts, particularly on the occasion of funerals, weddings, key birthdays and other important celebrations, is a very important part of life in Korea.
When giving money gifts, proper etiquette calls for them to be enclosed in an envelope (there are special envelopes made for that purpose), or wrapped in a sheet of paper. Cash gifts given to hosts on ceremonial occasions are called pujogum (puu-juu-guhm), literally "help money"-that is money to help pay the costs incurred by the hosts.
When Koreans are traveling abroad, particularly when they are traveling on business or for professional reasons, they customarily carry a supply of small gifts to give to people who help them out in any way during their trip. These gifts are meant to show appreciation and express thanks for small favors. It is a good idea for foreign businesspeople visiting Korea to emulate this custom and take along little "good feeling gifts." Care should be taken, however, to distinguish people who deserve-and may expect-a more substantial gift.
An equally important facet of gift-giving in Korea are the country's own regional myung mul (me'yuung muul) or "famous products." Over the centuries all of the main regions in the country have developed myung mul, which are prized as gifts and souvenirs by people from other areas. People who go on pleasure as well as business trips within Korea are expected to bring back myung mul. Koreans who travel abroad are also expected to bring back gifts that are representative of the regions they visited.
Excerpted from the forthcoming book, NTC'S DICTIONARY OF KOREA'S BUSINESS AND CULTURAL CODE WORDS (NTC/Contemporary Publishing Company), by Boye Lafayette De Mente. De Mente is an author of more than 40 books and currently works as a consultant on Korea, China, and Japan.
For more information about his currently available work, check out the internet site (http://www.dancris.com/~phxbooks/).
